I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
