I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
