he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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