Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
