I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
