oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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