This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
