He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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