I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
