epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
