I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
