I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
