i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
