I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
