Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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