You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
