is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
