I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
