i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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