I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
