hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
