I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
