I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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