my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
why do cheetos always look like penises
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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