can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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