i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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