Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
