I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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