I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
