There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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