just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
