When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
splinters make it hard to masturbate
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
