9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
