life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
