Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
