He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
