So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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