Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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