id be glad to
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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