I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
