Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
