so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i think i have two assholes
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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