This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
His nipple licking is glorious
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