I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
