i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
