Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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