she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
