She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
