my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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