i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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