all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
BRING THE BAGELS
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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