So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
