So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
