We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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