Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
