it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
did i just pee glitter
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
