I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
