you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
