Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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