i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The ass gains better be worth it
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