Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
