I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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