I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
