i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
