He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
