I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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