just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
