He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
