hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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