Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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