I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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