you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
