Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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