The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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