Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
