I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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