it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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