Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
