My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
