And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
