They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
